TLDR; This is a story that happened over a decade ago of two teenagers not having sex. A simple No needs to suffice in every situation, no matter the volume, the body language or the dress.
I must have been 15 or something when I went to a party at another school. I put on my first formal jacket and went to the school party, fully prepared to be awkward and in a corner compared to the other kids. I wasn’t super good looking, but one of the kinda hippie looking very nerdy kids and nothing like the sports stars. Some of my friends were and they invited me, because we had attented the 9th grade together.
To my surprise I actually had some amazing talks and before I knew it I was making out with a girl that I would have been far to intimidated to make a move on. She blew off her friend and her ride and we walked (4km, taking turns pushing her bike) to my place. I guess we were a little drunk because we both had like no resistance to alcohol at our age.
When we snuck into my room and at some point she whispered:
when I reached her panties.
I was a little confused because the body language didn’t change and it was really just a whisper.
I’m still happy I paid some fucking attention this night and I think the importance of NO should be very clear to everybody at all ages. No matter what was suggested, agreed upon or kind of the clear goal for
Hey, you wanna sleep at my place?
The next day to be honest was much nicer, because we watched movies and parted ways without any agreements to continue seeing each other.
I can’t believe it took me over a decade to realise what an important lesson this should be for everybody. Not that I expect everybody reading this blog being an idiot racist, but if I at least make one person think about the topic of consent with this post, my goal is achieved.
The point for me is: I need feminism because this needs to get into more heads in society and that no woman or man should ever be ashamed of saying:
Hey I don’t feel like sleeping with you right now or at all or not all the way.
Feel free to use this brilliant video about tea and consent as a reference: